2012 - 2009
Directed by : Roland Emmerich
Thoughts : DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM! DON’T DO IT! IT’S GOD AWLFUL! hay since idiots think the world will end tomorrow lets watch a film about that NO! IT’S CRAP IT’S CRAP IT’S CRAP IT’S CRAB IT’S CRAP IT’S CRAP IT’S CRAP!
Films with a theme that goes with this time of year!
Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Directed by : Peter Ramsey
Thoughts : Rise of the guardians not to be confused with “legend of the guardians” which is about owls. I wasn’t hyped about this film but i was looking forward to seeing it cause i’m all about christmas and christmas movies i was epecting a run of the mill basic kids christmas film and thats exactly what i got, now let me explain why. considering all this gushing over jack frost you’d of thought they’d build hype for him in the film you know maybe draw out his reveal, showing abit of hair, hearing his voice getting people excited about seeing him? NOPE you see in the fucknig logo of dreamworks.. yep the film hasn’t even started and you’re seeing the main character in full colour .. brilliant just.. fantastic so that started alarm bells ringing right of the bat but fine ok i’ll let this slide. the film starts and with in 10 minutes we see the creation of jack, santa and the villian … wow i mean talk about a build up! show us what you have within the first 10 fucking minutes…uhh… i shouldn’t get so mad this is a kids film after all and how it is a kids film, basic, template of a plot. the hero doesn’t want the responseabilty of being a hero, they get along fall out have a sad “oh no we’re split” moment the hero learns his past and fully understands why he’s a hero and then they fight the bad guy you know? LIKE EVERY OTHER CHILDRENS MOVIE EVER MADE EVER! oh did i mention this is a easter movie? yeah it’s not about christmas it’s about easter so yo ucan just imagine some big shot souless producer sat there in a chair built by ophans smoking a £10,000 cigar saying “release it a christmas it’ll get more MONEY!!”. it’s a enjoyable film sure don’t get me wrong but does it deserve the hype? no, is it a basic animated film like the other 5000 released this year? yes… AND don’t even get me started on this jack frost fandom stuff. merry christmas yo
because i’ve been busy with life! should have a rise of guardians review up tomorrow…. i’m aware that i missed a the “a” in haven’t but i’ll be damned if i have the effort to put it in and yes i’m also aware it takes more effort to write this the put that stupid “a” in but boo hoo go suck a grabe
Films with a theme that goes with this time of year!
Directed by : Jon Favreau
Thoughts : I know what you’re thinking … why are you watching christmas movies it’s not christmas for like anoth…HOLY CRAP IT’S DECEMBER? last time i checked it was march! yep 2012 has gone that quick people can only imagine how fast 2013 is gonna go but hay lets get to the point. Elf, everyone and there dog loves this film, yes it’s as cheesy as that disgusting kid in your classes privates (theres always one) and has some very questionable editing in places but come on it’s christmas! this whole film plays out like a childrens book and you should love it for it, it flat out tells you that’s the feel it’s going for so anything you have to say about the films plot is flushed down the shitter because it’s self aware. you don’t need me to tell you to watch it cause you’ve iva already seen it 3 times this year or are going to watch it 3 times this year.
actually stay for alittle bit longer.. ever noticed how James caan’s torso is perfectly square? (thats he’s dad in case you didn’t know) seriously have a look at it and you’ll see just how square that man is.
Directed by : Steve McQueen
Thoughts : a film about a sex addict coping with his bum of a singer sister invading his space it’s both depressing and entertaning … and really kinda gets you in the mood after watching. the imagery of the film is very striking with it’s white and dull blue colour palette and the way the brother and sister is both loving and … disturbing .. it’ll have you scratching your head questining if they like each other or not, it’s super effective!. there is (as you can imagine) alot lot lot lot of sex in this film and i mean theres alot! there’s sex or sexual tension in every scene of this film and it’s done so well, it’s long drawn out takes really help you get into the mind of Brandon though fail to fully keep you’re attention you’ll find yourself checking facebook or looking at the wall sometimes. all in all it’s a great film you have to watch but it’s abit serious and abit downbeat, so much so that you can’t really say anything funny about it in a review .. well apart from the bits where he’s walking around his flat with his dangle hanging around.
Directed by : Sam Mendes
Thoughts : skyfall? more like skyhigh! as in, the amount of product placement in this film is SKYHIGH! seriously i couldn’t stop noticeing it theres so much of it! products have their labels facing the camera and theres even a scrap of dialogue thats only there to say a producs name! i understand that you need to pay for your film but come on people theres a much smoother way about it … right now thats out of my system. This film isn’t a bad watch i can understand the hype behind it and why it’s getting such praise but i myself am not a huge bond fan or even an action film fan but i thought i’d give it ago. the locations used are fantasic and there are some very nice looking shots in there but it felt alot like megablocks .. it just wasn’t clicking right for me by all means give it a watch it’s not bad but it’s just not great it’s the best daniel craig bond film but thats like saying piss is better then shit HE DOESN’T MAKE A GOOD BOND HE’S A GREAT ACTOR BUT HE ISN’T BOND!
also the last act KICKED ASS!
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011)
Directed by : Thomas Alfredson
Thoughts : oh whats that? you haven’t seen this film but you think it looks good? you’ve looked at it at HMV for a while and every time you look at it you think “yeah that looks good” but never buy it? well you should. do it tomorrow. no questions. SUPERB film i must say the whole thing is just dripping class. it’s cinematography is simply stunning i had to pause it a couple of times just to appreciate how good it really was. the acting and story are also fantastic gary oldman is just so god damm brilliant and don’t even get me started on benedict cumberbatch it’s just SOOOO GOOOD. I know i’m sat here fan girling over this but wow it’s just too good! buy it, watch it, thank me.